The information in this article may or may not be entirely true. It depends upon how you take it.
The nursing school in Mankato is auctioning off their gently used supplies because as nurse Helga explained in her advertisement, “We didn’t use these things on real people, but the wrappers are off so now we can’t. But you could”. So until they’re gone, a good deal can be had on catheters, sample collectors, and gauze.
Algot Tollefson, the local weatherman, has stepped out on his porch again today and declared it “A Sunny day with not too many clouds. All in all, not too bad a day”. He further mentioned that since we go off of daylight savings time this weekend, it will be darker, earlier now. Good thing we have Algot to help us through these dark days.
Because it is considered proper, in some more conservative church circles, to stay about 20 years behind the world, the local Internet café – Dial-Up-Heaven (DUH for short) which was located in the Lutheran church basement, has now been recently evicted. Church elders claimed that “the internets are in the air now so there is no need for actual space to be taken up.” Also, they wanted to paint the basement a different shade of green, and with all those wires snaking around it made stripes, so they want it cleared out. Social networks have created small pockets of agoraphobists who hesitate to leave, but who tend to reach out to virtual strangers. Other disappointed locals, who now have no café to congregate in, have moved to one of the 4 local bars in this small town of 15.
The Catholic diocese has agreed to add a new Patron Saint to their repertory. Saint Verbatim – Patron Saint of gossip. There was some reluctance to admit this one but it was generally agreed that it was inevitable. Saint Verbatum medals will now be sold at the corner drug store along with instructions for those who are of other faiths since, as the local Parish priest says, “this will be a popular one for all the masses, and may finally unite us all”.
School is going fairly well in this small, sparsely populated region. Students continued to look blankly at the physics instructor as she lectured on Newton’s laws of motion today, until she explained why “May the Force Be With You” was said to fellow Republic members. This was actually the second law of motion, since an increase in force would result in an increase in acceleration, while to say, “May the Mass be with you” would be said to the Dark Side, since the inverse relationship of Force and Mass would cause a decrease in acceleration. She is hoping they will get this enough for the final test so she won’t have to dress up and act it out.
And while that can’t be all the news, it’s probably enough at any one time.